no more cancer treatment on me

… I got a life to live.

These headlines may sound confusing, but that's how I feel about it at the moment. I rather lose a number of years by dying “too soon”, than letting medical profes­sionals reduce my quality of life for more years than they have already.

I am 61 years old, and have been treated for prostate cancer over the last year or so – mainly radiation. I received a “warning” in the spring of 2013, and the basic diagnosis over the summer and early autumn.

Not knowing any better, and not being well in­formed by the medical personnel initially, I thought it was right to go though with the treatment. So I did, and con­tin­ued despite having another serious crisis in November 2013. Oh how wrong I was.

I realized my mistake a little late, but once I understood what the medics were doing to me, I simply quit at the for me most convenient moment. Should never have gone there in the first place, but it's too late to feel sorry for that now.

quality of life.

To me, quality of life has nothing whatsoever to do with the number of years spent topside on this earth, and everything to do with how I feel at the moment. In essence, it is all in my head – where it should be.
Right now, after having been off all medication for a while, I am feeling fine. And I expect to feel even better in the not too distant future, once I have finished doing damage control around all that did not work out as it should while I was more than a little outside myself – the effect of strong pain-killers.

My body is well on its way to heal the damage done to it by medics at the regional hospital, and I do not want to interrupt the process in any way by letting them check up on their “work”.

the good, the bad, and …

Don't get me wrong; I am not saying anything against the work the various medics who saved my life last year, and those at the hospital who took care of me afterwards, did.
chose surgery while knowing my options, and now, almost a year later, I am perfectly happy with how it has turned out. Good work guys!

It is the entire cancer treatment I would rather have been without, as none of it has done me any good. After all, I am the one who should at least gain something from the treatment, and all I see is loss and waste of time.
Apart from me having become slightly wiser through it all, the negative effects of the cancer treatment – most of which I will have to live with for a long time – greatly overshadow any positive effects “the treatment” may have had.

May sound a bit grumpy, but I would not mind if every single person involved got to feel the full effect of their own “cancer treatment”. Might help improve things.

the moment, is all mine.

I have this moment to enjoy, whether it is all by myself, or together with the love of my life. This moment contains all I want and need, and here and now all else in life is pretty unimportant to me.

Moments do of course come and go rather quickly, and for every moment I manage to make all mine while keeping out all dis­trac­tions, I have gained some­thing uniquely positive for myself, and those next to me.
This is something no traditional medical substance and/or procedure can ever hope to mimic the effects of.

I have no intention of letting mishaps in the past affect how I experience the present. Life is good now, and apart from writing about and continue to build on stuff in my past, I see no point in reliving it – in my mind or otherwise.

Working on increasing my ability to analyze the past without letting any of it affect my state of mind negatively at present, is how I will try to deal with old stuff from now on. At times I have been quite good at doing this, and at other times not so good. Conclusion: I can do better.

Having my mind entirely under my own, positively charged, control, is of course an efficient barrier against all kinds of negative forces outside me. Making that barrier as strong as it possible can be, while keeping the ability to sort out and allow for assistance from positive forces equally strong, can really do wonders to ones wellbeing.
We all can gain a lot – especially when it comes to peace of mind – from honing our skills in this area. Preventing negative forces from causing any real damage in our lives in the first place, is after all much better than having to resort to damage control in the aftermath of an attack.

Now I am aiming for a few hours good sleep, to recharge my batteries for whatever the upcoming moments may bring. Medication may have made me sleep more, both day and night, for the past 12 months, but I sure sleep better now without any of that stuff. Much better dreams too…

sincerely  georg; sign

Hageland 31.oct.2014
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