life of author…

…extended on a rainy day.

Now and then I publish articles that readers may find are leaning a bit too far to the negative side. Usually that's because I personally find the subjects in question negative no matter how I look at them – being politically correct and well balanced (toothless) in all things, is not one of my virtues flaws.

It is however also quite possible that how I feel at the moment colors the way I write about anything – I am not unique in that respect. If I feel particularly bad on the day it will affect how I write, even if I try to make sure it doesn't affect what I write.

Although I hate going into personal matters that are nobody's business but mine, it makes sense to touch on some background just once and leave it there.

What's once uploaded to the web, stays…

physical health history.

I was born (in 1953) with some inherited physical weaknesses that could potentially lead to problems later on in life – hip luxation being one hazard. Back then these weaknesses were not recognized.

Always liked physical activities and work, so pushed my body a bit harder than I probably should have for a couple of decades. If I had known better how to use my body with the weaknesses it had, I might have avoided much pain later in life. But, who knows…

An allergic reaction to various forms of dust has always been with me, so not all places are good to be during all seasons. Sinus inflammation can be extremely painful and long‐lasting, and no treatment/medication that actually works has been found for my case.

Gosh, we humans sure are delicate beings…

accidentally.

Hit a big piece of Norwegian granite with my car when I was in my early twenties. Norwegian granite is solid stuff – wouldn't budge. Car was a total wreck, and despite driving within speed-limits and using seat-belt, the impact was so hard that I cracked the drive‐wheel with my forehead.

Earned some 35 stitches and minor adjustments to my face to make it look somewhat decent, but back then nobody thought of whiplash so that was not checked for or dealt with.

Payback for the unchecked whiplash came a good decade later, when I almost went into a vegetabile state because of pinched nerves and blood vessels in my neck. By then the damage was permanent.

After 4 years in an earthly hell, with no clear diagnosis and no cure, a good chiropractor managed to open up enough for those nerves and blood vessels so I could sort of function again. Can't remember how many treatments I have had for this condition over the years.

Anyway, this condition led to me having to go into early retirement at the age of fourty, as even when the condition was brought somewhat under control I could still not function reliable in normal work situations and work regular hours.

Have tried to change my status several times over the years, but have had to give up for lack of initial and crucial support. Now it's too late.

physical health now.

Mobility is not good, but I do not want to be tied to a wheelchair or use other “crutches” until I no longer have a choice. So, hopefully there won't be a handicap sign on my vehicles for a long time yet.

My doctors have concluded that several body‐joints are worn down beyond repair. In addition there are severe muscular and neural damage especially on right side of my body. Knee, hip, back, arm and neck can make me scream with agonising pain and/or that part simply stop functioning, if I happen to make a normal but (for me) wrong movement.

The sciatic nerve both sides is more or less constantly giving me that numbing pain that makes it hard to move around even when the rest of the body is doing pretty OK. No fun at all.

“Within walking distance” means 100-200 yards at a normal walking phase, and a little longer with frequent breaks. All because my hips and lower back won't function properly.

There isn't much doctors can do for me but to let me have all the prescription pain killers I need more or less for free – the Norwegian health system works that way. Not much of “a solution” if you ask me, but then, nobody asks me.

I am in more or less constant pain, but do not want to become just another “prescription drug addict”. Thus, I use prescription drugs in fairly high doses to relieve pain for short periods, and then take “time off” from medication for as long as I can.

Prefer to just “listen to my body” whenever possible, and not do things that increase the risk for the intolerable pain in parts of my body that makes me have to fall back on heavy medication. Not always easy to protect oneself and still live a more or less normal life, but what choices does one have.

additionally.

Also some “neural system failure” that makes my body‐temperature regulation freak out now and then. Feeling and shaking like being totally naked in an icehouse when temperatures are around 30°C/85°F, definitely isn't normal.

This “system failure” is, according to my doctors, probably linked to nerve damage in my neck – “damaged insulation opening up for all kinds of weird effects” as they say. As such there isn't much they can do about it, they say. All I know is that it is extremely tiring when my body starts to play such tricks on me.

This condition has been manageable so far. Have been dealing with it for more than a decade now, with more frequent “flare ups” in later years.

I treat this condition more or less as a common fever, even though it mainly is a neural problem. It usually wears off after a few days to a week, but never quite disappears.

mental health?

Well, first of all: I am as sane as they come. Too sane and down to earth for my own good probably, at least that's what many say.

Being pragmatic and realistic rather than optimistic, pessimistic or trendy in my views on all things related to life and whatnot, some see me as a “joy killer”. Who wants facts, when faith, fiction and pure nonsense sound so much better.

Be warned: do not invite a sworn technocrat to social parties, as either he or you, or probably both, will be bored to death within minutes.

Some say I tend to dissect everything I bother to look into, into too many and small factual details, and destroy the “magic” in the process. What “magic” there can be without facts is something nobody has bothered to explain yet – but, not my problem.

As a friend of mine wrote: “PS: Your attitude sucks”.

He, and all the others, are probably right. Of course; I have no idea what they're talking about…

Much of the time I am mentally worn down and a bit edgy by having to deal with the more or less constant physical pain, and just want to stay away from any additional stress that makes the pain harder to handle.

May make me a bit more irritable than I like – especially towards people who don't accept that I have physical limitations that normally don't show (because I don't want them to), and that I am tired of explaining in much details.

summing up…

No, I am not severely handicapped or very sick – not now. The above are just pointing out that the risk of bad health turning into something worse, increases radically if others insist on imposing stress or control over my life. I simply can't fight more problems than those I already have, without something giving in.

Don't know how high a percentage of the human population that can present similar or worse, much worse, “medical write-ups”, but can't be a small number. Does not really help anyone to know that bad health is a problem for so many, since so little can be done about it.

Living somewhat secluded in my own world, is definitely easier on my health than to live in “the one made by others”. I just want to go through life at my own phase, without losing contact with all else I personally think matters.

All else I write that contains darker shadows, can be explained away with references to increasing age and life experience. For obvious reasons: this can only get worse as the years go by.

So, all in all not much to write about. Just enough to make me do, this once.

sincerely 

Hageland 12.aug.2012
last rev: 13.aug.2012